June 10, 2009

Blog Comments Reveal All

I think I am going to retire as Minister of Common Sense and take up a new job as Blog Comment Executioner. I am becoming increasingly confident that an individual's rights to live in our society can be fairly judged by the comments that they leave on blogs.

Obviously, I write a blog, and I love it when people leave comments. Mostly, it proves that people actually read it and care (one way or another) about the post. It's nice to know that I'm not wasting 100% of my time. For the most part, the comments left on my blog are interesting and rational. But, my god, have you seen the comments some people leave on some of the more popular blogs?! They can be out-and-out terrifyingly stupid.

My new job as Blog Comment Executioner would be to read comments posted on blogs and, based solely on the content, I would have the full authority to remove that person from society.

Take this following comment that was left on a blog as an example. I was very interested in the whole Eminem/Bruno MTV Movie Awards fiasco that happened a few weeks ago. I was trying to figure out whether Eminem was in on the gag or not. For a variety of reasons, my hypothesis was that Eminem was in on it (and it has since been revealed that he was). But at the time, I wasn't certain, so websites like The Superficial and Perez Hilton can be good for researching this kind of thing.

I came across this woman's comment about the situation: "This story is incorrect! it was not Sacha Cohen who landed on him it was another guy by the name of Bruno and it was not one of Cohen’s characters… This was a different guy completely. I know what Sacha Cohen looks like." Clearly, this woman is so stupid that it's beyond rehabilitation and, as a result, she should be removed from society. Unquestionably, she is a danger to herself and others.

I'm not going to fault anyone for not knowing who Eminem or Bruno is, but this woman was so certain about her thoughts and understanding of the situation that she posted them publicly as a comment to a blog! And she couldn't have been more wrong about it all. Bruno is not one of Sacha Baron Cohen's characters?? You know what Sacha Baron Cohen looks like, and that wasn't him?? This lady is so disconnected and stupid that you don't even respond to her. You ignore and dismiss her, like how you would do to a crazy homeless person talking to themselves on the street.

Blatant stupidity is rampant in blog comments, as is horrific grammar and sentence structure. But, the really frightening stuff is the stupid and ignorant racist, homophobic and political views. Check out one of the comments I found:

This one is in response to having Obama nominate Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court:

"One more minority who was given an ivey league education (yes -GIVEN - she didn't pay for it) who wants to punish white America for all the past racial inequalities she "thinks" she has suffered from. Where is the gratefulness? Where is the "get down on your knees" and praise this country for "gifting" you with this opportunity. She makes me sick."

Jesus, that was opinionated... and stupid! First of all, I love the "ivey league" comment. It's "ivy", not "ivey", you dumb ass. That is why you couldn't go to an ivy league school... because you couldn't spell it. I also love how working and studying for your whole life in order to EARN a scholarship is now considered a "gift" that wasn't "paid" for. And it's so ridiculous how the writer ends their rant, with a "She makes me sick." Really?? Imagine you had a child who earned a scholarship to one of the greatest schools in the country (Princeton), graduated with the highest honors possible (summa cum laude), then went to one of the best law schools in the country (Yale), and ultimately was nominated to the Supreme Court of the United States (all of which Sonia Sotomayor has accomplished). Imagine this child of yours comes home for Thanksgiving and you venomously hiss at her, "You make me sick!" How fucking stupid and ridiculous is that? How fucking stupid is the blog comment writer??

There are a million other examples that I could cite. Who are these people, and why do we let them live among us?! I just don't even know how to respond to this kind of thing (other than by exercising my powers as Blog Comment Executioner).

I enjoy writing my blog and reading comments and e-mails from readers. I just hope I never get too popular that I start attracting the masses, because it's pretty clear that they are idiots. I really hope they represent the minority of our population... but I'm not so sure that they do.


  1. Those examples are nothing - it can get so much worse. People are really frightening!!

  2. dont worry, Minister, i think your audience is smarter than that! ; )

  3. I try very hard to be understanding of people with different opinions than mine. But when I read a blog comment like one of these, I can't stop myself from raging at them and wanting to ban them from procreating! Thanks Minister, for articulating what I've been feeling for a long time.

  4. I feel ya...

    sometimes I wonder if these people are for real, but then I remember that i'm just one person in this world, and the internet is such a security blanket that people really do feel free to let loose their most inner thoughts, even if those thoughts are completely void of any logic.

    fail blog really gets to me, since the comments are just a thread of users who think they're clever because they can come up with a million words that rhyme with "snore."

    cheezburger site, with it's cheezburger language...yeah, that's just, like, on another planet.

    I read a lot of fashion blogs, and the most insightful comment you will ever find is "omg, that is sooo cute!" "omg amazing!" "omg loves it!" i'm sorry, but you will never, ever have a career in fashion if the best critique you can come up with is "omfg i die for those jill sanders! bananas!"

    I don't know why it bothers me so much, but this blog made me feel better about it.

    keep being your funny self :)